MEHSTG Vol. 2  Issue 27  -  September 2002

The collapse of the ITV Digital case has left the Nationwide League looking over their shoulders at the potential death of a number of clubs. With Bradford City, Lincoln City and Notts. County all having dire financial troubles, other bigger clubs will be scrutinising the accounts for every spare penny that they will be able to screw out of the companies who sponsor or fund their teams.

With this in mind, I thought that perhaps Tottenham could break the mould and get certain companies to sponsor individual players. This could reap benefits for both parties, as the sponsors could fund the players wages, while the player would be secure in his profession and gain spin-offs from the company’s products, while carrying out advertising campaigns and promotion of their wares.

Our new young signing Rohan Ricketts, for example, could take on sponsorship by Rose’s Lime Cordial. The nice tie-in could see him dressing up as a large green fruit whenever he is out injured or suspended to push the refreshing summer drink as part of the deal. It could also provide a source of nutrition that would solve his named condition.

Darren Anderton could take on BUPA, while Les Ferdinand could seek a similar deal with PPP Healthcare. Teddy Sheringham would be a dead cert for Sanatogen, while Simon Davies could gain financial benefits from a deal involving Duracell batteries and Jamie Redknapp’s experience with BT during the World Cup would stand him in good stead in this line of work, perhaps for a suntan lotion advert, as he has a bit of a permatan. Milenko Acimovic could feature in the hair-care range with his floppy, gelled coiffure.

Christian Ziege would be the most apposite front man for Gillette’s Mach 3 razor and might even change his name to Christian Ziegemacher, with bonuses for when he nets a hat trick. Goran Bunjevcevic would make at least a “score” from Scrabble, his fellow defender Ledley King might be snapped up by a burger chain and Chris Perry could be a living testimony to unctions and potions to clear up nasty skin problems, seeing as how is known as “the Rash”. Stephen Carr might obviously link up with Ford to promote their latest small family vehicle.

Sergei Rebrov would be ideal for modelling the Adams children’s store winter range of clothing, because of his diminutive stature and the fact that being frozen out of the first team will mean that he would welcome some warm clothing. New Chinese signing Qu Bo could either enrol for a deodorant company or maybe as a face for a new board game called "Qubo !"

Jonathan Blondel would be a favourite for Harvey’s curtains, after that dreadful photo appeared of him with his trademark haircut !! Steffen Freund might get a sales contract with a clockwork toy company as he is such a wind-up merchant and the goalkeepers would also do well. Neil Sullivan might try fronting the “before” part of a campaign to sell happy pills, as Kasey Keller might sell lots of luggage for Louis Vuitton.

With the players we have though, it would depend on how successful we were this season as to how much money the would make for their deals !!

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