|
Our new columnist Smiles Miles
looks at the world from a
place in the Paxton Road stand and brings you
his views on the world of Tottenham Hotspur ...
19.3.2001
- 10 Ways to get to Manchester
20.3.2001 - Ferdi - The
Bionic Man ?
27.3.2001 - George
Graham's Guide to Success
9.4.2001 -
Thanks to the Ticket Office
20.4.2001 - Tim
Sherwood - Donkey of the Year ??
27.4.2001 - Spurs go paintballing.
3.5.2001 - The Hate Tapes
8.5.2001
- Games To Forget
14.5.2001 - Looking Forward
29.5.2001 - Teddy and the worst signing
ever
5.6.2001
- Will the real Shaggy please stand up
5.6.2001 - The Mate Files
4.7.2001
- What Happened to the Likely Lad ?
9.7.2001 - A New
Season Already ?
29.7.2001 - Claret
and Blue-itis - Have we got it ?
9.8.2001 - New Signings,
early impressions.
29.8.2001 - Bad Time For A Bad Attitude
14.9.2001 - A View From Afar
20.9.2001 - H'Way The Lads !
4.10.2001 - A Glimmer of
ambition
16.10.2001 - From The
Wrong Side of the TV
23.10.2001 - Another
North East Triumph
5.11.2001 - Radio Daze
10.11.2001 - Big Match Nerves
... More
Smiler
... and more
19.3.2001
"10 ways to get to Manchester"
- the semi-final journey dilemma
1. Leave early and walk
2. Fly to Scotland, hire a car and drive from there
3. Go by train, via Newcastle
4. Invent teleportation
5. Don't go, but make a point of slashing the tires on the coaches the
Gooners have hired the night before.
6. Get up unreasonably early, go by club coach, sit in traffic jams all
day and lose feeling in your arse.
7. Fly
8. Pay the extortionate fares for the train the club has hired.
9. Horse and Cart
And finally
10. Drive on the M1 (now that really is a joke!) |
| 20.3.2001
Ferdi, the bionic man??
There is one player in our ranks that refuses to lie down and succumb to
pain, one that recovers from anything. A true hero. Our very own £6
million man. His name, Les Ferdinand. Countless times has Sir Les been
carried off the pitch, with injuries that look career threatening. Time
and time again however, Sir Les returns, with his trademark swagger,
back into our "attack" to put up with more aimless long balls
and inaccurate passing. I have puzzled this for days, weeks and months,
and finally, I have come up with a few possible reasons.
1. Les has been replaced with an automated robot, which is cheaper to
run, and doesn't moan about match officials and bad decisions. This may
also explain away his monotone voice during interviews, and seemingly
processor controlled facial expressions. Unfortunately, this theory is
flawed in the fact that if Les was an android, then he wouldn't break
down temporarily without being taken in for a proper overhaul.
2. Les is threatened with being dropped/sacked/shot when he gets
injured. This would explain the renewed vigour he always portrays
when he arrives back onto the pitch after a brief sabbatical, but lets
face it, even the King Gooner isn't stupid enough to do that to dear old
Sir Les.
3. He is on performance related pay, with an extra £100 for every
minute he is on the pitch. Not likely though, as Les can in my opinion
be classed as a gentleman footballer, one of the last of a dying breed.
This leaves only one possible option. Les just loves getting a headache
from being hit on the head with lots of lovely long punts up field.
Perhaps we will know whether this is the true reason or not when a new
manager comes in, who tells the players that the game is far more easy
when the ball is kept in contact with the ground. What a novel notion,
Sir Les will be distraught! |
| 27.3.2001
George
Graham's guide to success
If you believe what the owners say, GG was sacked for
breaching his contract by talking too explicitly to the media. My
opinion however is that he has been ousted due to a controversial new
book he was planning to release, called "GG's guide to instant
success". Here is a little gist of what it would sound like.
Prologue: How to choose a club. In this part GG talks on how to
choose a club with little chance of relegation, but one starved and
desperate for success, and able to spend significant amounts on your
salary.
Chapter 1: Initial reactions to new job. Here George explains to
his bestest buddies (the gutter press) that it'll take time and money to
"make the club great again".
Chapter 2: Change the team. Now you are safely entrenched with
your new team, initiate a policy of training all youth players to be
centre halves, just in case of a defensive crisis. Reveal that if
the club is going to be great again, it must be built on solid
foundations. When criticised for being boring, defend yourself
with lines such as "only the best teams play well all the
time", and "we haven't the talent in depth".
Sign a defensive midfielder, or a centre half (just in case), preferably
one that shows little talent for scoring or creating, limiting chances
of immediate success, and raising expectations. George recalls the
successes with John Jensen, Alf Inge Haaland, but frowns on Steffen
Freund for assisting Spurs to the Worthington Cup in 1999.
Chapter 3: Close season. After steering your team to a creditable
mid table, George advises you take a long holiday while all the decent
players are signing for other sides. Then when you get back,
complain of the lack of quality available, and spend £10 million on
journeymen midfielders. Buy another centre half, in case you are
attacked by malaria on pre season trip to Scandinavia. Moan about
the lack of money available from the chairman.
Chapter 4: Buying players, the winning touch: George takes time
out from the overall strategy to give his two pence worth on the
potentially deadly minefield of signing new players. George suggests
buying ugly. He stipulates that if Alan Smith had been handsome,
then he would have only been half the player he was. George goes
on to express his worries when buying such a pretty boy as Lee Bowyer.
George says he only became sure Bowyer was his man when he met with the
player and his unrivaled intellect came to the fore.
Chapter 5: Glory hogging: Notice that a star player is taking all
the credit for a string of reasonable results. Verbally reprimand
player for playing so well, transfer listing if necessary. Drop
the player for the next game and replace him with a centre half.
Chapter 6: New hope: Your side goes through a long period
without scoring. Explain away your deficiencies in front of goal
by saying that it may be 12 hours since you last scored, but that it has
been 721 minutes since you last conceded. Respond to boos from the
terraces by saying that supporters do not know a good thing when they
see it.
Chapter 7: Moving on: You begin to go through a rough period, and
talk soon comes of you being sacked. You quickly buy a few
promising young players, and claim you are building something big for
the future. If possible, move to another club, and move back to
the start of the book. If this is not possible, then when sacked,
claim unfair treatment and go into a public war of words with chairman.
Epilogue: After football: After the end of your career, you will
be able to live on past glories, in a time when football was glorious
(?), and the players honest and true. Become a TV pundit to swell
your bank account and dream about the good old days when you good
unearth a rough diamond like Tony Adams and put him in the first
team. Talk about how the country can't produce top quality players
such as Nigel Winterburn and Ian Hillier. |
| 9.4.2001
Thanks
to the ticket office
I'm sure many of you went to Manchester on Sunday, and chances are a
fair few used the clubs coach service. If you did, then you probably had
to endure the same sort of problems that I did. My day was already going
from bad to worse at that point. After arriving home from a trip to
Iceland, I found to considerable distress that our wonderfully helpful
ticket office had sent me a £35 ticket, instead of a £25 maximum which
was what was put down on the ticket. Upon seeing this, I resolved to go
down to the office the morning after (Saturday), to try and rectify the
situation, maybe even get a refund. Not a chance, as is custom at Spurs,
the office was shut, and so could not deal with such urgent problems.
This left me a bit annoyed, as you can imagine, but I put it behind me
and was glad I had my travel all sorted and that the journey would be as
trouble free as possible.
Step forward ticket office gaffe number
2. Instead of having the coaches loaded up around the sides of the
stadium, being filled up from an orderly queue, the club forced its most
loyal fans, its members and season ticket holders, to suffer the
indignity of bundling toward a coach in the hope that a place was free
for you. Tottenham High Road was the scene of total mayhem that morning,
I couldn't bear to imagine how far the traffic must've been backed up.
What made it worse was after telling everyone to get to the ground for
before 6 am, the majority of the buses began rolling up around 7 am.
Just as well we all didn't know the result before hand otherwise there
would have been a riot.
Anyway, after finally getting on a coach,
I settled down for the journey,
and light hearted banter was par for the course as supporters swapped
stories and jokes. Two hours later, after passing the umpteenth service
station, one of our number went to ask if we would be stopping anytime
soon, as quite a few of us needed the loo. "Give me half an
hour" we were told by the driver. 40 minutes went by, before we
were told to wait another 15 minutes. Another three quarters of an hour
disappeared before we stopped, by which time the majority of us were in
serious need of the toilet. What's more, the stop was only 40 miles from
Manchester. We stopped for a completely unnecessary 45 minutes, but the
jovial mood had evaporated. It was quite amusing to find that upon
reaching Manchester we received a police escort, but what was even
funnier was a group of clearly illiterate Gooners, driving past several
signs saying "Spurs traffic only".
That's enough moaning about the trip, and
I think we've all had enough of talking about the match. It speaks
volumes that I have yet to find a Spurs fan that claims we could have
won. We were in truth outclassed, and if it wasn't for Sulli, then a
cricket score would have been the result. Our support did the team proud
though, singing from first to last, whilst the Gooner fans only became
heard when they went into the lead. I'm sure if we got behind the team
as well as we did on Sunday more often, then White Hart Lane would be a
near impregnable fortress. There are a few plus points from
the game, we saw that our young lads, although starting nervously, still
kept that resolute spirit, and the likes of Ferdinand and Doherty rose
to the occasion, while Sullivan was in "Thou shalt not pass"
mode. On the other hand, Perry was as shaky as a leaf for most of the
game, especially after Sol went off, Iversen was terrible, even the
assist on the goal was a complete mis-hit. Sherwood was back to his
" I cannot pass" mode, and although showing good commitment,
Stephen Clemence was overrun by Vieira the thug. I feel sorry for the
poor lad really, having to try and hold a team together in such a high
profile game. Unfortunately, Clem was noticeably nervous, and he again
gave the ball away to an opponent with no-one between him and the
goalkeeper. Lets face it, if
Robert Pires could finish like Chris Armstrong, then we would have had a
very embarrassing defeat.
The journey back was similar to the way
up, only with a longer time before the toilet stop, and much more
traffic. It was also noticeable for more Gooners driving down routes
marked "Spurs traffic only", and more dopey scum bags making
lewd signals out of passing car windows. It didn't seem to bother them
that they were making these signals to young children, perhaps this a
true indictment of how an Arsenal fan must behave. That isn't bitterness
either.
Feedback |
| 20.4.2001
Tim
Sherwood, donkey of the year?
Tim Sherwood is allegedly one of our better, more experienced players.
His influence is so great, he is given the captain's armband when Sol is
on the treatment table. Despite all of this, our Timbo needs to learn a
few basic skills needed in order to be a reasonable professional
footballer. I find it inconceivable that these skills were lacking from
the start, so therefore I have come to the conclusion that Blackburn
must've trained all of these skills out of him. Anyway Tim, here is the
list:
1) Running.
I'm sure that it's not just me to have
noticed this, but you do seem to have been struggling to run very far or
fast over the last couple of years. To begin with we thought it might be
the hernia, but a year after your operation, you still seem to be
struggling. For a Premier League footballer, it's actually quite
necessary that you do learn to run. I for one will never forget the
first 45 minutes against Liverpool, when we were being overrun in
midfield, the way you hung around with the strikers, unable it appeared
to run back and help the defence. The fact that you scored makes no
difference.
2) Passing.
When passing, you may find it beneficial
to pass to those players that are on your team. Generally, they wear
white shirts. If you get a little confused, just think of the people
that you see every day of the week, who you practice with and play with
week after week. I have noticed that you have a bit of a problem when it
comes to passing, so it might be best to keep it simple. If you feel
that your motivation is not great enough, think how good it is to hear
the ironic cheers of the crowd when you play a pass correctly. If this
is not enough, then just think of all the running you'll save by passing
to your teammate.
3) Tackling.
It may seem illogical to you, but when
challenging an opposition player for the ball, you don't actually need
to foul them. Sometimes you can leave the player you are tackling ON
THEIR FEET and the referee will not penalise you, you even may be able
to outwit the person you have robbed of the ball. This will gain
appreciation from the crowd, maybe a free kick, and most certainly the
ball. I realise that when watching the likes of Dennis Wise, Patrick
Vieira and Roy Keane that you may notice that they foul all the time and
get away with it, but at Tottenham we consider it morally wrong and
unnecessary. Besides, just because those thugs get away with it, it
doesn't mean you can. After all, we all know how biased referees are to
any one of those teams, and poor Mr. Vieira (hereafter known as Thug the
Terrible) is picked on by those nasty racist hooligans such as Stephen
Hughes and Nigel Winterburn. Thug the Terrible is only justified in
sticking up for himself. However Timbo, despite the fact that your team
is badly treated (or cheated), you must keep a calm head otherwise the
"not for Man Utd" rule will come into force. The ball will be
moved 10 yards closer to your goal and you shall be booked.
Remember Tim, it's not that we don't believe that you are a good player,
it's that after you have had to spend the majority of your career
playing for managers that live in the past with their methods and
tactics, that you need to get back to those good old days at Norwich,
where the ball was kept on the floor, players moved after they'd passed
the ball and Manchester United were just a crap team who would be
relegated if it wasn't for the assistance of the odd referee or two.
Respond to Smiler's column by e-mailing
us here. |
| 27.4.2001
Spurs Go
Paintballing!
This column has been full of my thoughts and wonderings since its
inception. This week, I've been pondering what it would be like if
Spurs decided to go on a team building paintballing trip, anyway here is
what I think would happen...
The ticket office would be left in charge of the booking, and would book
for the wrong day at the wrong place and be ridiculously over charged.
The players and staff taking part would then be priced double the cost
to join in.
Navigation would be left to Chris Perry, and like some of his passes,
his sense of direction would be well off as well, so the team bus would
get lost looking for the site.
Upon reaching the site, the team was drawn to fight the Army.
Ben Thatcher would get into a fight with one of the opposing team,
resulting in disqualification from the game.
Darren Anderton would strain an ankle ligament whilst walking to the
toilet.
Sir Les would battle gamely toe to toe with his opponent, before getting
hit between the eyes, and getting concussion.
Tim Sherwood would stand around shouting at people, before being covered
in paint by a smaller, quicker, more intelligent opponent.
Targets the sizes of barn doors would be difficult for our strikers
to hit.
Steffen Freund would try and fight the tree, probably ending up using a
chainsaw to cut the tree down, before running off to avoid getting
caught.
Stephen Clemence would try and run through a bush, before losing his
gun, and being shot on the foot with it.
A reporter for the Sun notices that one of the opposing players looks
like John Hartson's granny, and assumes that this means Hartson is on
the verge of a deal with Spurs.
On the return journey, it is discovered that all of our players are
suffering from severe bruising, and will miss the rest of the
season.
Sorry if this is a bit lame folks, but its coming up toward the end
of the season, and I thought I'd show as much lethargy as the team used to do
in these situations. Here's hoping for a bit more commitment than we
showed at the tail end of last season, and maybe a few better decisions
from referees, unlike Mr. Liverpool. Still, we shouldn't be surprised if
we do get a few bad ones, after all, we do have Manchester United yet to
play.
Respond to Smiler's column by e-mailing
us here. |
| 3.5.2001
The Hate
Files
Football is said to be a funny old game. One teams hero
is another ones villain more often than not. So, as the season draws to
a close, here is a player for each team in the premiership (at least),
that is disliked by us at the Lane. Where possible, I'll give the
reason, otherwise, it'll just be some irrelevant reason that only I
think. Anyway, here is the list:
Arsenal.
Personally its Patrick "Mr. Legs" Vieira. A thug who is too
tall to be human. Also his head is ridiculously small, and he spat at
poor innocent defenceless Neil Ruddock not so long ago. There are a host
more names from the Gooners that we all hate, but Vieira is the one that
I hate most.
Aston Villa.
Dion Dublin. To tall, too lucky, too bald.
Bradford City.
Gary Walsh. Why does he make all his clangers against other teams?
Charlton Athletic.
Chris "Who" Powell. He scored his only goal. ever against us,
and he is supposed to support us as well!!
Chelsea.
Dennis "TAXI!" Wise. Cheeky as anybody, annoying little runt
who is always on the winning team as well.
Coventry City.
John "Baaaaaa" Hartson. He's fat, he's round, he cost 5
million pound. To top it all off, aside from his cheating, moaning,
fouling nature, he is an ex-Gooner as well.
Derby County.
Mart "ugliest player in the league" Poom. For having his name
pronounced Porm by commentators, the annoying chant every time he
touches the ball, and for making Martin Keown look human.
Everton.
Francis "big ears" Jeffers. Has an uncanny knack of scoring
and falling over against us. Can't hit a barn door with a 12 bore
against anyone else. Has silly ears and whinges a lot.
Ipswich Town.
John "treatment table" Scales. For being fit enough to pass
the medical.
Leeds Utd.
Bowyer and Woodgate. Racist thug scum. Not fit to walk the planet, and
as thick as two short planks as well.
Leicester City.
Robbie "Mulleteer" Savage. For getting Justin sent off at
Wembley in '99, being Robbie Savage, pretending to be a footballer, and
having awful hair. Being Welsh also counts against him.
Liverpool.
Michael Owen. For falling over when breathed on.
Manchester City.
Paolo Wanchope and Joe Royle. Wanchope for being like Kanu, with longer
legs. And Royle for being the most boring manager on the face of the
planet.
Manchester United.
Take your pick. Who don't you put in here? I'll choose Roy Keane, due to
his overwhelming thuggishness, constant whinging on the pitch, huge
wages, being Roy Keane, pretending to be a footballer. Getting any kind
of career out of such violence.
Middlesbrough.
Paul Ince. Unenviable track record of West Ham, Man Utd and
Liverpool. Another thug.
Newcastle United.
Alan "Zzzzzzzzzzz" Shearer. For having less personality than
Joe Royle. Mr Boring. Somebody please kill him before his next
interview. Whinges non stop, and assaults players with his elbows,
rather players assault his elbows.
Southampton.
Matt Le "Nose" Tissier. You could take a shower when he
sneezes, slow labouring, overweight, and still runs rings around our
mdfield.
Sunderland.
Niall Quinn. Arms elbows, slap head and ex-Gooner. Always scores against
us, annoying cheat.
West Ham United.
Shaka "Thou Shalt Not Pass" Hislop. Is it even possible to
score past him at the lane??? Stuart Pearce is the real choice,
obviously, the way he tucks his shirt in is simply not natural outside
an old age peoples home.
A formidable list, with a few strange selections, but each one is
someone I don't like to see at the Lane, even if they are crap!!
Respond to Smiler's column by e-mailing
us here.
%%%%%%%%%%%%
FEEDBACK
Come on now, Lets include Dixon
the aggressive little twat and Keown for crimes against humanity !
Also Arsene for his dubious past and constant whingeing.
Whitehart N17 |
| 8.5.2001
Good
times, bad times. Games to forget
Following on from last weeks hall of hate, this week the article is
focusing on the depths that have been achieved at the Lane this
season. It's time for worst game of the season folks!
There are a few contenders for this dubious honour, so let's start at
the beginning. Games against Ipswich, Everton and West Ham brought
the faithful's expectations sky high for the visit of Manchester City in
September. The fans of both sides were rewarded with an appalling game,
in which the most entertaining event was former world footballer of the
year and City hero George Weah missing a very easy chance to win the
game for City. Predictably the final score was 0-0 and it became the
early front runner. A few days before Christmas, newly installed boss
Terry Venables brought the struggling Middlesbrough side to North
London, seeking only a point and the record for longest time to take a
throw in. Thanks to some disgraceful time wasting and some dour play,
'Boro thwarted both of our attacks that afternoon, and again the main
entertainment came with a poor miss from Boksic. From what I can gather,
the return against Manchester City was suitably appalling, but I didn't
subscribe for that expensive punishment, so I can't really pass
judgement. Similarly, I haven't been to any away games, so these have
all been discounted from the analysis, besides, we were so bad at the
beginning of the season away from home, other teams seemed all too
comfortable to demolish us. So back to the home games and we are close
to the end of the season, with Hod installed before suitable tedium
rears its ugly head. The debacle of Chelsea was very disappointing and
Villa were fairly dull, as we all expected. In both of these games
however, the fact that the ball remained on the surface of the pitch for
any length of time made it at least remotely entertaining and I
still to this day raise a chuckle every time I see the replay of Sir
Les' miss against Villa. Don't worry folks, only another two years to go
as far as that kind of finishing goes!!!!
This means that the loser must come from
the two early contenders. For me, they both had their severe down
points, one being the day of my birthday do and the other being the only
time my dad and sister got to a game. I'll have to plump for the
Middlesbrough game though. This is not just for the extreme boredom and
the amount of times Keith O'Neill took too long to take throw ins and
free kicks. It is also due to the fact that for the first time in 6
years, during which I've been to every home game against them, it
was the first time freak public transport balls ups hadn't made me
miss the opening minutes of the game. So I got to "enjoy" all
of the subsequent dreary GG type football. I'm sure you all agree!!!
Respond to Smiler's column by e-mailing
us here. |
| 14.5.2001
Looking
forward
This time is a pivotal one in our great club's history.
We are at a
crossroads. All the signs are pointing in the right direction, excellent
manager, board backing their own man with money, big names on the
horizon, and already the signs of some attractive football. There are of
course many ways in which the next season can go, so here are a few
extreme ones to amuse you all.
The Bad
Glenn Hoddle is killed in a freak accident before the first pre season
friendly, and in order to stop paying money to former boss GG, he is
re-appointed. In revenge for his original dismissal, GG fills the team
with ex-Gooners and we get
relegated before Easter, then fined, before finally being ejected from
the league for abuse to the football. White Hart Lane is the scene for
the first football related execution as GG is publicly hung drawn and
quartered by TAG members. Manchester United win the league by 50 points,
Arsenal win the UEFA cup after losing in the Champions League, and Alan
Smith (of Leeds) is named footballer of the year.
The Most Likely
WHL is besieged by an injury crisis leaving our two major signings
sidelined for the season. In their absence, we struggle on to an upper
mid-table position, before giving up, and fielding the youth team for
the last 18 matches. We win nothing, look like winning nothing. The fans
still chant Glenn's name, but the media put up a huge "Sack Glenn,
we want GG back campaign". Season tickets rise, big name players
become unsettled and get sold.
The Hopeful
We win the league thanks to the inspirational return of Hoddle as a
sweeper. We don't let in a single goal away from home all season, and
our last day trouncing of Arsenal that seals the title from an
unfortunate
Ipswich sees the Gooners relegated with the lowest points total
ever. The Champions League is scaled down to be just that the
CHAMPIONS league. Europe quakes in its boots. Our strike force
shares the golden boot, with Rebrov, Armstrong, Phillips (bought from
Sunderland before the start of the season) and Heskey (who had become
disillusioned with the Scouse accent, and left mid season to jump onto
our title winning bandwagon) all scoring 30 goals.
For good measure, we also take the
Worthington Cup, but an own goal by Sherwood in his only appearance of
the season in the FA Cup final against Ipswich prevented a remarkable
treble. To cap it all off, Man Utd are thrown out of the league as they
try to initiate a European Super league, when it becomes clear they are
going to fail to qualify for Europe. When this claim fails, they try to
get the Cup Winners Cup restarted, which they succeed in doing.
Unfortunately for United, the FA decide to award the place to newly
promoted Millwall, as they were the losing semi finalists to us, and
when United began to complain about this, they were dumped into the
Conference to evaluate their attitude.
In other news, John Hartson is dropped by
Coventry when he fails to report for training. Hartson claims he
couldn't get his foot out of a team mates face in time to leave. Ian
Wright is imprisoned for inciting a riot at a pub football match. The
sentence comes just in time for Wright, as his pub team were just about
to drop him and replace him with Davor Suker. Finally, Spurs win the
BBC's Sports team of the year award, Hoddle wins footballer and manager
of the year, and the club are awarded the Europe wide fair play award
for only receiving 10 bookings in the whole season (all to Ben
Thatcher).
We can all dream can't we!!!!!!
Respond to Smiler's column by e-mailing
us here.
Dream, what dream!
Is what you have written in your column
not going to come true? Why not? Then
what have we all got to look forward to next season, another like
this. As my football hating Mrs. said the other week (bless her) when
she saw the league table "at least you're (Tottenham)
top of the bottom half"
Roll on next season....
Colin
|
| 29.5.2001
Oh
Teddy Teddy, bugger, we have to change that one.
With the arrival of Teddy Sheringham to Spurs, we have to think up a new
ending to the song we have been chanting about him since he judased over
to the South West's favourite football team. OK, so we could go
back to the old version, pre- treachery, but surely Teddy would be
greatly impressed with a new chant. So lets have a go
people; send us a few emails with suggestions. Next week, we
ask you to suggest a little ditty for Tim Sherwood!
Probably the worst signing...ever?
Well, we have had some pretty appalling buys over the last few
success-less seasons. Now it is the time to find which is the
worst. We start off in the heady days before twelve point
deductions, FA Cup bans and suicidal tactics. Yes its Ossie under
the microscope first. Ossie Ardiles, the man that brought us the
original prankster Colin Calderwood. The man that looked like he
was playing for the other team. But who is to say this was his worst
signing? CC went on to become a useful player.
So let us move on to the season after,
and the arrival of Klinsmann, Dumitrescu and Popescu. Klinsmann
left us when we needed him most, but was undoubtedly a talisman, and
still is to some extent. Dumitrescu was more predictable than the
outcome of a one horse flat race, and Popescu, well, he could pass well
sometimes. He also left us at our hour of need.
After the arrival of the mulleted Gerry
Francis, these three were moved on either by their own will, or by the
managers. Gerry had far better plans. In came the likes of
Clive Wilson, Ruel Fox and Andy Sinton. In fairness to Wilson and
Sinton, they did appear to be trying their best, but really were both
past it. Fox on the other hand was brought in in a fan fare of
speculation, and reportedly we fended off several other clubs to get
him.
From then on, we were subjected to the
same dummy over and over and over again, it must have worked once a long
while ago, but not in the lillywhite shirt. Another new manager
meant that Fox was pushed down to the reserve team. After a few
years of money grabbing, he was finally offloaded. Reports last
placed him somewhere on the subs bench at West Brom, sitting on a
massive stash of gold bullion.
GG managed to excel himself with the
likes of Sherwood, Thatcher, Freund, Perry and Korsten. On the other
hand, Korsten has actually proved that he can stay fit long enough to
play, and scored some useful goals in the recent matches, so maybe a
little harsh to include him. Nonetheless, the ridiculously
overpriced and under-talented Thatcher has at least been respectable
enough to become injured, to prevent us being subjected to his thuggery
for a while. Who knows, Hod may turn him into a
footballer!!
Sherwood defies belief. We actually
paid for him??? Shoot him, it's the humane thing really.
Freund, bless his little cotton socks,
simply can't pass.
On the evidence, I reckon Ruel Fox has to
take the dishonour of being a complete pile of steaming dog waste when
it came to his Spurs career. His best game at WHL came when he was
playing for Newcastle, scoring two goals, we even enjoyed the game a
hell of a lot too, winning 4-2, and being treated to some damn good
goals.
You may note that the likes of John
Scales and a few others have been neglected. On Scales' transfer,
I have come to the conclusion that it was a joke, and that the
player, rather than being resident in our treatment room for all that
time, was actually just looking for an excuse to go on holiday, and
decided that spoofing a move to another club would be the best way to go
about it.
Keep on Smiling guys and girls!!!
Respond to Smiler's column by e-mailing
us here.
Feedback
Re: Smilers column: No Trammazzani, Vega,
Saib or Berti?
Tom Stock ========================= Smiler
me old mucker; how ya doing ?
Now concerning the worst signing ever. For a start it's not Teddy or
Sherwood ... they're pretty good squad players. I think the worst
signing has to be ******************************************
JASON CUNDY ***************************************
AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH !!
He was crap. Nearly every time he played we lost 6 v 0.
Venables once said that Bobby Mimms was the worst signing ever made, but I
think it was Francis that dropped this very heavy clanger. Any way
nice web site, goodbye to Sol but hello to Effenberg. Come
on you Spurs
Warren Standcumbe #################### Very
very funny. Some of our signings have been very poor, but I feel the
worst has to be Anderton. He has done nothing, then threatened us
with his departure. Who the hell does he think he is ? Sell
him now; make some money; save some money on the physio bill.
Once again very funny, but very sad. Goodsoul
123
**************************** The
saddest thing, is that the list through the 90's reads like a "who
was never really who" of average players, and just plain dross.
Fox, well, he did run all day, into blind alleys, but at least he ran.
I have to say, the Gerry Frances and George Graham made some of the
worst signings, but even El Tel made some howlers, he paid money for
Fenwick (twice it has to be said, and then took him to Portsmouth.....)
But the worse player of all, without a doubt......... Ramon Vega. I did
discover why his ball control is so bad.... Every time the ball goes
near him, the crowd all gasp with fear, and the combined breath of
35,000 fans sucks the ball away.............
Dreadful, couldn't get into a Sunday pub team.
Cheers
Jon Hayden +++++++++++++++++
I agree with Tom Stock and his reference to
Tramezzani and Saib, surely they have to be amongst the worst players
ever to pull on the famous jersey. Now what I have to say may be
controversial given some of the entertainment value, this
player's nationality and his hat-trick against Southampton, but surely
Ronny oh Ronny Ronny has to be mentioned! Bless him! (wonder if
anyone signed him after leaving us?)
Ricky, Enfield
Ed: - Ronny went to Watford after he left Spurs
and even came on against us when we won 5-2 in the FA Cup in 1999.
<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>
Remember our 6-2
drubbing by Newcastle ? Who was our tosser in chief that night
and many others ?
Dear ol' Ramon ! Our worst signing ever without a doubt.
PS A mate of mine who is Celtic Season ticket holder recons he
is a good player ! Sad indictment of Scottish football !!!!
Whitehart N17
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Moussa Saib was a superb passer of the ball,
he was just unfortunate to be playing in a struggling team with no
movement. He also showed he could finish, after his lovely side
footed pass into the net in out 6 - 2 thrashing of Wimbledon that
preserved our Premiership status. Tramezzani, now he was crap!!
As far as I remember, he played in our first two games, was at fault for
5 of the 6 goals we conceded in those games, and then never played for
us again. How much did he cost, £2m, £3m? Whatever, he has
to be the world's most expensive ever player on a money spent to games
played ratio. Ben Thatcher, I feel sorry for him. Somebody
obviously told him he was a footballer, and bless him, he believed them.
He is clearly not a top division footballer, can't pass, can't shoot,
can't control, can't head, can't dribble, he can just about tackle but I
suppose that's a fundamental requirement for a defender. It is for
this reason that he gets my vote for our worst signing ever, just
nudging ahead of Tramezzani, and yes, even worse a player than Stuart
Nethercott.
Richard Offord
************************
|
| 5.6.2001
Will
the real Shaggy please stand up.
From looking at our books, we appear to be paying someone named Darren
Anderton inordinate sums of money, for doing not a lot. Could anyone
please tell me exactly what this man does. Is he a really good
cleaner, or groundsman? I really have no idea. My friends tell me he was
last spotted relaxing in the treatment room, so is he some kind of
doctor?? Come on people, I actually want to find out what he does, so I
can earn that much money in a week to. A newspaper report the other day
said he would be leaving Tottenham, but surely all the big clubs already
have people who warm the treatment table for when their star players get
injured.
On another point, it is absolutely
necessary that the club find a talented, creative, comitted midfield
player in order to move forward, an Effenberg would be great for
example. A player who can boss a game, pull the strings and play the
killer pass. Hang on, that's what Anderton is supposed to do! I remember
now, when we play well, Anderton plays well, and when the going gets
tough, he gets injured. Its all flooding back now. Despite having the
best shot at the club, he'd still far rather play meaningless square
balls to full backs than have a go himself. He is also the only winger
in the country (save David Beckham) who can't beat a player for love nor
money. So anyway, do we really need a player like that, forever going to
be small time, no matter what club he plays for. Never fit, always
taking the safe option. Poor Darren, perhaps we'll take him back for a
wage cut.
Respond to Smiler's column by e-mailing
us here. |
| Feedback
1.7.2001
Hi Smiler,
Is
Anderton really injured??? It has to be asked, it may sound a little
paranoid but I do truly wonder. I think we should bring in a lie
detector test "strapped to his back" which he should have to
take after every game or injury (every 10 mins.) in his case.
If
you had a dog that lame you would shoot it right, or give it a little
time to see if it recovered. The bottom line is he does naff all
and costs a bloody fortune, lets hope Glenn tells him straight
pussyxx |
| 5.6.2001
The Mate Files
Following on from the hate files, here is a list of players, managers
and
chairmen and their clubs that we don't half mind. Maybe they've scored
own goals for us, or just been the butt of our jokes and chants. To make
it easier, some players may have left the club in question.
ARSENAL - Nicolas Anelka. Proved that Arsenal aren't a big club.
ASTON VILLA - Deadly Doug Ellis. For letting England have Graham Taylor,
and making us all laugh.
CHELSEA - Claudio Ranieri. Just for being able to laugh at his
interviews, and sometimes his tactics.
CHARLTON - Sasa Ilic. Thanks for letting us into the 5th round of the
cup Sasa!
DERBY- Robert Maxwell. Thanks to the Rams, we were left alone by the fat
greedy pension spending layabout.
EVERTON- Whoever on their team that allows us a minimum of 4 pts a
season.
IPSWICH - David Sheepshanks, if that's their chairman. Thoroughly good
bloke, looking to change football for the better.
LEEDS - Billy Bremner. For walking into Dave Mackay with hilarious
results.
LEICESTER - Peter Taylor. Ex-Spur, changed a boring team into one that
can keep the ball on the floor.
LIVERPOOL - Michael Owen. For scoring those two goals in the cup final.
MAN UTD - Teddy Sheringham. There really is no other option.
MIDDLESBROUGH - Alen Boksic. For earning more than the rest of the
north-east put together, and being crap.
NEWCASTLE - John Barnes. Wearing dreadful suits on TV.
SOUTHAMPTON - Paul Jones. "Jonesy, whats the score...". Always
replies, even when 7-2 down.
WEST HAM - The board of directors for being completely unable to find a
mug willing to take over a club with no ambition what so-ever.
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|
| 4.7.2001
What
happened to the likely lad?
There is a plan afoot at WHL. Unbeknown to the rest of the league, Spurs
are planning a breakaway super division, along with Everton, West Ham,
Man Utd and Sunderland. This has came as a result of the shock
demolition of Old Trafford, causing the greediest team in Britain into a
huge money spinning adventure in the new league. However, they will have
to play all matches away from home to be eligible for one of the four
Champions league spots available. The fifth placed team is guaranteed a
place in the InterToto Cup. New rules for the league will comprise of
the outlawing of the long ball, points fines for racist abuse on the
terraces, and any team playing in red will be penalised by starting away
matches 2 goals down. I think you'll agree that this sees Tottenham
safely at the top of the table for some years to come!
OK, so nobody actually wants to read
that, it's all about Sol just now.
I've got a revolutionary point of view.
Why do we care? Surely we should be glad to get rid of him, especially
if what he is being paid is anywhere near true and maybe his wages will
cause dressage arena unrest amongst the scummiest
"footballers" in the land, above all, with the plethora of
part exchange deals around at the moment, be thankful Tony "ee-or"
Adams isn't whinging, boozing or driving his way to WHL anytime
soon.
So lets not boo Sol when he comes to play
for his new abomination, let us shout "One greedy b*stard",
"Judas" "Traitor", and all the other pleasantries
afforded at the Lane. Then at the end, after our near inevitable 0-0
draw, clap him off the pitch with grace, after all, from the very moment
he thumped in a shot against Chelsea in the League on his debut, Sol has
given our club everything and more besides. Anyway, if he recognises you
as someone who's been slagging him off, then he is big enough to beat
the crap out of you.
Bet we are all looking forward to Chris
Perry picking him up at set pieces eh folks!
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|
| 9.7.2001
A
New Season Already ?
With a new season dawning (already) here comes the
time of the season to look ahead, with anticipation and trepidation to
the big kick off.
The same old plus points will probably result : -
6 points from Everton; beating Man Utd at home; playing above ourselves
against the Scummers at home. On the other hand, we also will inevitably
have to field a team containing eight players under 20 at some stage;
the media will at one stage try and get Glenn sacked for some pathetic
reason, but anyway, what could happen apart from the predictable????
This time next year, what will we be moaning about????
Perhaps one of the things that will determine how
successful Spurs' season is is the demise of several of the so-called
"top" teams. In my opinion, Aston Villa are in for a struggle,
Sunderland will be on the drop, Chelsea, well, they'll no doubt beat us
twice, but other than that, nobody is putting money on them or writing
them off. Man Utd appear to be in a bit of disarray. Mind you, who would
mind being in a bit of trouble and then going to buy Veron and Van
Nistelrooy. A*senal are probably going to be many people's favourites,
but they haven't really strengthened, except in signing Judas. Jug eared
Scouse teenagers and David James the second are hardly top quality,
although not too shoddy, not really improving their team. In Van
Bronckhorst, they have picked up another dodgy foreigner who will show a
touch of the dodgy temperament.
Many people will be backing Liverpool, after their
treble last season, but over the whole season are still a little
susceptible, as Alaves showed. Leeds may be the dark horses, with no
European Cup football, will be out of the spotlight a bit and last year
they bought in some good players.
So what does this mean for Spurs?? Well, top four
is probably beyond us, but all these sides are vulnerable in the cups
and with the rest of the Premier League seemingly unable to spend to
keep up with the top sides, the path seems open for a team like Spurs to
win both FA and League Cups. In the League, well a place in Europe is
obviously the target and 5th or 6th place is a distinct possibility,
especially if we are able to sign another couple of good players, was it
Shevchenko being mentioned last week???
Now that would be something.
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|
| 29.7.2001
Claret and
blue-itis, have we got it???
I wonder if there was a deeper reason unto letting Luke Young leave the
club? £3 million isn't the greatest price, although quite
reasonable for a player who was on the fringes of the first team. Still,
Luke Young was still just that, young. He did show a lot of promise,
although maybe a bit lightweight to feature in one of the very top teams
at centre back and with no left foot, hardly a long term option at left
back.
Still, these things could have been
addressed by Glenn. On the non conspiracy theory side, we have a good
depth of young defenders, and in Tony Gardner, we have an imposing
figure, as well as Ledley King. Two big guys, which has been the one big
difference between us and certain other teams, purely on size, on occasions
we have been totally overawed and overpowered, the semi final last
season the perfect example.
On the other hand, rumour was that Young
was unsettled with being in and out of the team, and had allegedly been
out on some pretty big benders in the Harlow area in the past.
Also, it still whiffs a little bit how a club can sell a England U21
international so easily. Maybe its just me, but this is the kind
of path the likes of West Ham follow and we all know where they finish,
mid table and below. We have had enough of that, its time for our once
great club to scale the heights again and challenge the likes of
Liverpool, Ar*enal and Man Utd for the big trophies.
Whether selling the likes of Luke Young
will help get us there, only time can tell.
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|
| 9.8.2001
New Signings,
early impressions
After the first close season in which Glenn Hoddle has been in charge of
the Lilywhite army, it is a good time to evaluate the success of the
players he has brought in, from the handful of pre season games.
Goran "that Yugoslavian bloke" Bunjevecevic:
Seems to be very comfortable on the ball, and able when the ball has
been on the floor. Our style of play has dictated that the ball has
rarely been in the air, so may be a bit suspect, due to wiry figure.
Needs to beef up a bit, but a quality player, bought for a bargain
price. His signing may not send shivers through the spines of Premier
League forwards, but Glenn Hoddle has had an uncanny knack of picking up
top defenders in his managerial career. A modern centre half more
talented than most English midfielders.
Gustavo "Hot-Shot" Poyet: £1.5 million of sheer
quality, can still mix it with the best. Skillful, energetic, with great
vision coupled with the ability to pass, and a magnificent knack of
sticking the leather thing between the three posts. Makes you wonder a)
why Chelsea let him go? b) why Man Utd paid £20 odd million for Veron?
and c) why Tim Sherwood still has a squad number? Speaking of the
Sherwood connection, that is probably the role Gus will fill, except he
is a better player in every department of the game. Best value
signing made this summer, if not in the last 5 years.
Edward "Teddy" Sheringham: Haven't seen him, but
will increase competetion, improve quality of team, give us creativity,
if not able to play every game. Tottenham man who should be
the eventual successor of Hoddle, come 20 years time!! Personifies the
Hoddle way of playing, good on the floor, excellent in the air, teaming
up with Rebrov will help the little Ukranian.
Christian "still works in McDonalds" Ziege: Too
early to tell, but looked skillful and a useful addition against
Fiorentina. Hopefully will settle into the team and sweat blood for the
cause. Certainly better than Thugcher. Not New but Improved.
"Deadly" Ledley King:
Bigger, badder and better than ever before. For those who thought
he looked good last year, be prepared to be impressed. Having noticeably
beefed up a good deal over the summer, whilst retaining his pace, poise
and skill, Ledley will make great strides this time round. In my
opinion, better than Scumball was at his age, more comfortable on the
ball if not as big. Against Fiorentina, looked very impressive, if still
a little naive, and will make Luke Young's departure a distant memory.
England's next young sensation to hit the senior squad imminently.
Mauricio "Maurice" Taricco: Has been played on
the right, in a wing back capacity, and looks comfortable. Obviously
second to Steve Carr in that respect, but to those in the media who
think he is off elsewhere, you are wrong. If there is any justice,
Maurice will be a fixture around the squad throughout the next couple of
seasons.
Steffen "German Bloke"
Freund: Runs further, shoots better, passes more accurately, an
all round better player. Working with Hoddle has brought him on leaps
and bounds. Sure thing to push Sherwood down and out of the pecking
order.
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|
| 29.8.2001
Bad Time For A Bad
Attitude
The start of the season has thrown up a lot of ill discipline amongst
the players of Premiership teams. It seems inconceivable that a game
could end without a red card. In the midst of this was our game against
Everton. I saw the game on TV and I can positively say that the
refereeing display was the worst I've ever seen on television. Every
decision made was wrong. This isn't sour grapes for the penalty and
sendings off, I'll admit that their goal was perfectly valid, but
literally everything the man in black (or green or whatever it is
nowadays) was shown to be badly wrong on replay, how Maurice got away
with his tackle was unbelievable. On that tackle, Taricco has been
vilified in the press, when in reality he isn't a dirty player.
I've no question that Duncan Ferguson's
elbow was assaulting our centre half trio throughout the game,
unpunished. As for the rest of the start of the season, its been a
desperate disappointment. OK, our passing has improved, but results
haven't been encouraging. We may not have had the easiest start, but
that's really no excuse. I feel sorry for Glenn, having to work with a
bunch of players that includes Sherwood and Perry. As soon as they are
out, then progress is more probable. At the moment, their status as
senior players seems to add a certain instability, mainly because they
do not fit the style of play.
So what do we have to look forward to
over the coming weeks? Hopefully better, more understanding refereeing,
the Gooners losing several games, Man Utd falling apart and maybe even
the Lilywhite army marching up to the top end of the table. Keep those
fingers crossed.
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|
| 14.9.2001
A view from afar
Due to my impending move to uni, I have had to relinquish my season
ticket this year. Seat 149, row 22, block 21 will never be graced with
my presence again (well, its unlikely) and for the next 4 years, I shall
be consigned to watching my beloved Spurs on TV, or sporadically (anyone
willing to give me their voucher for Southampton???) in the flesh. First
impressions appear that I'll be a bad TV watcher, as the rest of the pub
I was in for the Everton game will testify (Oi Ref! How on earth was
that a foul, let alone a sending off?!). Of the team, well this is my
thoughts so far:
Neil Sullivan: Same old Neil, saves a lot, misses nothing, except the
unstoppable. So much for coming to Spurs to win trophies
though....(maybe just maybe)
Maurice Taricco: He can tackle! (badly) Hasn't looked the same player
as previously, maybe due to injuries or maybe as a result of tactics.
Christian Ziege: Commentators seem to think he doesn't care, has scored
a couple of good goals. Difficult to really know unless you watch him
off the ball, which TV doesn't tend to do.
Goran Bunjevcevic: Apparently unfit, otherwise shown to be capable, and
comfortable on the ball
Gary Doherty: Talk about bad luck!!!
Ledley King: Quiet start for Ledley
Darren Anderton: Injured again, no surprises there then.
Steffen Freund: Still flatters to deceive.
Gus Poyet: Hmmmmm. You're not at Chelsea anymore Gus, you can't get away
with cynical fouls in a lilywhite shirt.
Simon Davies: Able deputy, scored a good goal against Southampton,
still not able to rule a game yet.
Sir Les: Same old Les, near misses galore, no concussion yet though.
Edward Sheringham: Will he play, won't he play, that's the sum of
Teddy's season so far. When he's played, he has improved the side, but
needs to play alongside someone other than Les to make the best of him.
Sergei Rebrov: Play him!!!!!! He will fit alongside Sheringham
perfectly! All of the runs and passes would be tailor made for
Rebrov, and he can finish to.
As for the collective, well at the moment we seem to be playing pretty
football in the wrong areas of the pitch, but there are signs, the goals
against Southampton were well worked, and the goal against Everton was
created rather than forced. Keep your fingers crossed guys and gals, we
could be onto something here.
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|
| 20.9.2001
H'way the lads!
Remember the days when a trip to the North East brought impending embarrassment
and a sure fire night out to avoid Match of the Day. Maulings at
the hands of Newcastle spring to mind, and by Niall Quinn single
handedly. Even when not stuffed, we have been beaten harder than
scorelines suggest. Then wham bam, and out goes George, two nose bleed
trips later, we've gained 6 points and scored 5 goals. Almost alien
territory. It of course started last season, again at Sunderland
(coincidently the "best" team in the North East). After
undergoing the usual mauling in the first half, we turned round 2-0
down, at this point I switched on the radio, and quickly became
miserable. The second half could possibly have seen the start of the
revival. Fighting spirit, and flowing football throbbed through the
veins of our Lilywhite heroes. Slowly we hauled our way level, including
a beautiful goal placed home by Stephen Clemence's right foot, (yes
folks he does have one!) and sneaked a 3-2 triumph in the last minute.
Then came Wednesday 19th September 2001. Really an insignificant game in
the grand scheme of things, neither side is going to win the league this
season, and sixth place is what they are fighting for, but it was Spurs
who triumphed, and with the growing fitness and influence of talisman
Sheringham, the future is all of a sudden looking brighter. And to
Sunderland, after 4 straight victories over the Mackems, errrr, can we
play you every week????
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|
| 4.10.2001
A Glimmer
of ambition
It's been a while since the club was taken over by ENIC now, long enough
to start to evaluate the effect they have had on the structure behind
the scenes and the way it is affecting us supporters.
Short term wise, they announced
themselves with a bang, sacking the leech (I can't believe he wants MORE
money out of us still!) certainly gained the new board some
leverage. Opinion was very sceptical about a business running our
club, but this at least showed that they understood that a business must
be successful and always striving to improve, something that under GG
was somewhat lacking. The noises coming out about the
"Tottenham brand" were very encouraging, and the appointment
of Glenn Hoddle backed their comments up.
The length of the contract they gave the
"Hod" (5 years) was also an indication that they believe the
club needs to be turned round over the long term. In this respect,
thanks to GG's recruitment of promising youngsters, we are made for the
future, provided we can hang on to them. In order to do this, we
must be attaining a place in Europe, or at least challenging for the
foreseeable future, gaining valuable experience for the youngsters, and
swelling the transfer coffers.
Evidence of this short term ambition has
been expressed in the form of Messrs Richards and Ziege, neither exactly
cheap, but both with a bit of quality needed in order to take the club
to the next level.
Then there are the stadium plans, while I
am in principle against a move to Potters Bar, due to its poor
transport, lack of amenities and the feeling that it would make us no
better than the nomads from down the road, I accept that something
needs to be done. With the other lot building a massive complex
(sure to sink them into massive debts) we must progress sensibly.
For example, we do not need a new Stadium, three sides of WHL are
perfectly adequate, new and big. The rumours of the East stand
extension impress me, making the most out of our unfortunate position,
stuck between a high street and a housing estate. It will also
increase capacity realistically, something that Mr. No Good (Hill Wood)
seems to have forgotten.
Gooners don't actually go to games ....
that way they can deny being one when they lose. Spurs fans (and
seemingly the board) are far more in love with their club to be so short
sighted. Here's hoping that the futures bright on the High Road and the
Islington Wanderers fall on the faces.
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|
| 16.10.2001
From
the Wrong Side of the TV
Spurs vs Derby 15th October
This was my first proper match whilst being at Uni (I'm discounting
Tranmere) and so I headed off to the Student Union bar to watch Spurs
take on the not-so mighty Derby.
Considering Spurs are a mid- table side
with very little success in the last 10 years, the turnout of Spurs fans
in the bar was very healthy. For the first time since I've been
down here, the pool tables were out of action all night, due mostly to
the football.
Anyway, to the game. With no idea
who was playing, (and to be honest, I still don't) due to turning up
late, and the TV being tiny, and in the corner, I settled to take in the
match. Within the first few minutes it became apparent that there
was only one team that would win this game, and that wasn't a sorry
Derby side, who were completely outclassed.
The disallowed goal, just in case any of
you match go-ers were wondering, was tremendously onside, and personally
I have some serious doubts about the linesman's eyesight. Still,
it seemingly didn't matter when Sir Les knocked home Ziege's pinpoint
cross, leaving the pathetic County backline static. The best thing
about watching the game on TV is the millions of replays you get (and
you get to see the goals at the Park Lane end!), the downside being the
funny looks you get when you jump up to celebrate, and the cost of
knocking the guy next doors pint over. So, 1-0, and everything
going smoothly.
Then, out of the blue, Ravanelli falls
over, sticks his leg out and the ball trickles in. Poor Ledley,
fooled by a falling Italian. Ravanelli's celebrations were
actually penalty appeals, but then his teammates told him he'd
scored. After a bit of a nervous period, normal service was
resumed, and not relinquished until the final whistle, some glorious
passing moves failed to come to fruition, before Teddy played in high
scoring Ziege to guide home with the outside of the foot. Cue more
and more replays, and more and more spilt lager.
The second half was far less exciting,
County being toothless in attack, and Spurs content to play the ball
around without ever reaching the intensity of the first half. With
time running out, we did manage to exert ourselves more on the game,
creating a few half chances, before an extremely cheeky goal from Gus
(known as Chubacca to the Brighton Uni Spurs fans) sparked chants of
Cheeeewy, Cheeewy.
And that was that, there are a few withdrawal
symptoms associated with watching the game in a pub, you have to make
your own food before night games, you don't have to wait forever for
that train at Northumberland Park (do they still stop the Stanstead
Express?) and you feel a bit silly shouting at a little box, but then,
when you knock over someone's pint, it only costs you £1.65, instead of
the £3 it does at the Lane.
With that I rest my case. But next
time Gus scores, remember the Brighton Uni Spurs, and send out a chant
of Cheeewy for us!!!
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| 16.10.2001
Another
North Eastern triumph
Its getting boring talking about our seemingly endless stream of
victories in the north east. Lets face it, in the past, two wins
on our longest trips would have been a distant unlikelihood, but now,
well its a reality, with the possibility of an astonishing treble still
available. It doesn't make our away record seem as bad
either! Is not Hod unbeaten as a Spurs manager in that particular
region now, impressive indeed. Realistically, we are improving
with every game and look a far better side than before, and indeed than
some teams above us, such as Aston Villa. Things most definitely
seem to be looking up from down in Brighton, but then, maybe its just
the sea air!
Anyway to the game.
From the Wrong Side of The TV: Part 2 Newcastle away - 21st October 2001
And so the odyssey was set to continue, with my 100% win record since
being down on the south coast intact, I went to bed with an excitement
and anticipation of further gloating in the bar at the sight of yet
another Spurs triumph. OK, so actually, it was more trepidation,
after all, it wasn't so long ago that 6's and 7's have been put past us
at St James Park. Anyway, I had every intention of being down in
the bar for kick off, cheering on the lilywhite army.
Unfortunately, my body had other ideas,
and I slept in until 3. Not realising the time, I staggered
downstairs, to find out the horrible news that I'd missed the first
half. Undeterred, I pegged it down to the union bar (after getting
dressed of course) only to find, to my horror, that the game wasn't
on!!! So, I'd missed it. What was worse was that I couldn't
find out the score for love nor money until I bumped into the rest of my
Spurs fan mates that night (coincidently, also in the bar) and they
purveyed the good news. So that was that.
One last thing, it was good to see the
feeble Man Utd being beaten yet again at their self styled theatre of
cheating by local rivals Bolton. Then of course, there was the
pleasure of a virtually unknown Blackburn player scoring two goals to
earn a point at Scumbury (not to mention gi-gi-Gillespie
scoring).
All in all, a good week in TV football
land for the average Spurs fan!!!
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| 5.11.2001
Radio Daze
From the wrong side of the wireless :
Part 3 November 4, Leeds Utd vs. Spurs
A twist on the usual theme this week. Due to the game not being on
the TV (a rarity in today's day and age) I resigned myself to listening
to it in the laundry watching my washing go round. A bit more
distressing was the fact that due to some local northern scuffle, it
wasn't live on the radio for the most part anyway, again a bit
disappointing.
Still, the reports were encouraging, and
we were surviving better than some have done against a Leeds side that
top the table. So onto the second period and apparently our sky
blue wonders were all over Thugs United. Result on the cards I
thought. Then Gus scored what was described as a beautiful goal
and 3 points beckoned, especially with our recent results in
mind.
Sadly, it wasn't to be, as we all know, a
couple of formerly typical Tottenham lapses at the back let the hosts
back into and then win the game. On balance, Leeds were said to
have deserved to win. In my version of commentator speak, that
means we were unlucky to have missed out on a point. We certainly
didn't lay down and give in against a team many of us wouldn't mind
seeing win the league this season.
Then came the bright side of the
day. Liverpool beat Scumchester Ucheaters, then Charlton
obliterated sorry Gooner-scum in a 4-2 annihilation, sending the South
London Wanderers into the footballing equivalent of an epileptic
fit.
Next up, well, you know.
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| 10.11.2001
BIG GAME NERVES
Before the corresponding fixture last season, despite all of the usual
bravado that goes with North London derbies, a sense of trepidation
still engulfed me. The season previous we had beaten that team in
red, but despite all this, in our heart of hearts, even the most loyal
of Spurs fans would have admitted that they were on balance a far
superior side. Evidence of this was to come later on in the season
with our mauling at Old Trafford. That of course was Glenn's first
match in charge of the lilywhite army, and now, seven months on, the
local rivalry will again be played out in the cauldron of passion that
is White Hart Lane on derby day.
We have come along way in those seven
months, transforming into a side capable of running rings around good
sides, as proved in spells against Manchester and Leeds Uniteds.
We're still in the transition from also-rans into one of those good
side, but now our supporters needn't dream of avoiding embarrassment, or
maybe scraping a 1-0 win. Now, we can look forward to the game in
the knowledge that on our day, we will be able to match an Arsenal side
struggling to assert itself.
For us, the game is pretty much no lose
(we don't hold aspirations of winning the league and Glenn isn't under
pressure for results), but for them, it is far more important.
Certain big name players may be ousted this year if the Gooners are
unable to make a mark on either the league or Europe. On top of
this, extra pressure is being placed on our neighbours due to the S.
Cumball situation. If he plays, his team mates will have to
protect him from the crowd and if he doesn't, they are a lesser
side. In short, we have them running scared, there are few cocky
taunts flying from their fans, and their players are in desperate need
of a good result in such a high profile game to get their season on
track. With all this pressure, the question is will they be able
to handle it??? Apart from Patrick "drainpipe legs"
Vieira, they lack the big game players in my opinion. Even Teary
Henry tends to shrink away from the big occasion (e.g. the cup final, or
their quarter final against Valencia last year). North London derbies
are BIG games for the supporters, even if they aren't in the grand
scheme of things any more.
To finish with, I'd like to wish good luck to the Minute Of Contempt
campaign and may I suggest a further course of action. White
handkerchiefs. Not only are they our colour, but when Barcelona
did it to Luis Figo, Barca won and Figo was terrible. One last
thing, throwing coins and stuff at the guy is wrong and will not gain us
as a club, or collective of supporters, any credit whatsoever.
Please, rise above such petty actions, after all, despite everything,
it's only a game and he's only trying to grab as much money from whoever
he can before his career is over.
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