1 WALT DISNEY - Because the League Cup is known as the "Mickey Mouse" cup. Sponsoring the league would fit in nicely in our corporate plans by calling it the "Donald Duck" Premier League. Trips off the tongue with ease.

2 PUKKA PIES - There was good support for Pukka Pies, namely Joe Kinnear, Matt Le Tissier, Neil Ruddock, influential broadcaster David Mellor and Coventry City's John Hartson

3 TIC TAC - Arse*al gave their full support to this. Tic Tac can sweeten the breath of any donkey and it also means a ready supply of sweets for Arsene.

4 PLUMB CENTRE - Golden bath taps and fittings might be OK for some, but someone's footballing wife will always want a golden shower.

5 LINGUAPHONE - With the amount of Johnny Foreigners and journeymen situated in a West London village and an East End manor this tender had good support.

6 TIMEX - I had always thought that a game of football lasted for 90 minutes, but Sir Alex Ferguson and Gary Neville will tell you otherwise (especially when they are losing). Wear the time piece they swear by. Even Terry Venables was calling for better time keeping.

7 H.B.O. (HOME BOX OFFICE) - With this giant of the entertainment industry wanting a slice of the action, Mark Bosnich, Dwight Yorke, Rio Ferdinand, Frank Lampard and Kieron Dyer will be able to find a ready made audience for their films.

8 BUPA - It was felt that this company should put something back into the game, after all that it has taken out. Special endorsements by D Anderton, T Adams, D Batty, G Le Saux and D Ferguson.

9 SPEC SAVERS - Good to see this bid as a certain Frenchman needs help in this department. Beckham was told that hindsight is a wonderful thing and he

puts it down to his recent purchase from them for the back of his head. He also heard about the benefits of second sight, so bought two pairs of glasses. When he once came up with a deep and meaningful thought, he was told he had foresight, so got another couple of pairs.

10 ANDREX - A very strong bid. Felt that this tender could go a long, long way. However, supporters would feel shit if they won it and shit if they didn't. Too high a possibility of on-pitch advertising using fans to assist in promoting their product in this way.

11 EARLY LEARNING CENTRES - Victoria (Posh) wanted this bid to succeed. We asked if it was for Brooklyn and she said it was for her other spoilt brat (?). She buys all David's reading books for his away trips there.