|the brutal column|
A long lost relative of Ali G, Davi B tells of how the club are getting along with ENIC in charge.
Respect to the Tottenham massive enic,
and me and me brudder Danni El is makin' Totts massive again.
Not being one to name drop myself it is
with reluctance that I must inform you of the evening I spent after an
unexpected summons to the lair of that Spurs legend Ronnie Rosenthal
(who for some unfathomable reason seems to have adopted the voice and
mannerisms of Sir Alec Guinness' Fagin).
Me: Hello Ronnie its me Brutal from the internet.
RR: Oh hi hang on
ME: Ronnie are you ok?
RR: Is all right boy I juzz fall over, come in come in lets go to the study and have a drink before we ea ..oops! aargh!
ME: Here let me help you up.
RR: Is alright, I used to it, come come.
RR: Here get that bottle of thunderbird of the mantle, I bin saving it for a special occasion.
ME: What this one here with a big number 32 on it?
RR: Yezz, got that as me prize in the second season I was at spurs, supporter's player of the year.
ME: I don`t remember you winning that Ron
RR: Win it, no I didn't win it, I came thirty second, season of my life it was.
ME: But the first team squad was only 28 that year.
RR: Yezz I wonder a bit about that myself, still pass the bottle boy.. oh dam all over the carpet.
ME: Would you like me to clean it up Ron?
RR: No don't worry boy, I expect I'll be down there later.
ME: So I hear your an agent nowadays Ron, did you start as soon as you left Watford?
RR: No boy, I had a go at being a comedian but the dammndest thing when I was a footballer I had em rolling in their seats but on stage ..zilch.
RR: Ah the micro wave, I'll go
fetch the grub.
As bad days go they don't come much worse; get up early make a long journey and have your hopes and dreams creamed by the Devil's disciples in all too comprehensive a manner.
Now on the long journey back from Manchester to make matters worse my bladder was starting to play the "Dam Busters March" on my stomach. Having decided to leave the pleasure of watching the triumphant hordes from the Hell that is Highbury for others to endure I decided to make my way back to London by the quieter route and now with my neck close to breaking I sought relief. As soon as I spotted the services my attention was focused on the bathroom and as I got out the car oblivious to my surroundings that was where I sprinted.
As I walked in the door I caught the sound of a song apparently stifled by my entry
“Zank heaven for little b….”
Across the room at one of the two traps stood a figure not unlike a larger version of Charles Hawtry from the "Carry On" films.
Never mind, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do and I quickly crossed the room stood next to the guy and let nature take its course.
He broke the silence
“Not very big are they,"
“Er , I'm sorry.”
“Your shirt. Les Totts, certainly not as big as they were ”
I looked up at his face for the first time and in a state of shock blurted out “Wenger”
“Non. I merely shake off ze drips, ez customary non?”
Still taken aback, but not wishing to seem a cultural buffoon I replied “Oui oui.”
“Pah, but of course, anything else I would use ze cubicle, zees ez England after all not France”
He strolled across to the basin and began to rinse his hands. Was it really him ? I decided to probe.
“ So you're off to Spain in the summer then ?”
“Spain ? Non, I prefer the Philippines or Bangkok for my vacations.”
“No, I meant Barcelona.”
“ Ahh. I zee, is possible, it is Tigana that I really envy. I think I would feel at home at ze Cottage, au revoir.
He turned and walked to the door, as he did so he started to sing “Every little breeze seems to whisper Denis.”
And with that he was gone.
I rushed through my own ablutions and dashed outside to see where the stranger had gone, would my identification be confirmed as I saw him get on a big team bus that I had missed in my hurry ?
Look as I might he was nowhere to be seen, no coach nothing.
Just as I headed back to my car the dulcet tones of Rolf Harris sprang from the piped music overhead “Two little boys had two little toys…”
More Brutal material ...
George Graham's Benefit Concert - Charity begins at home
Kanu's Shame - Footballers and money don't mix
The Ginola Tapes - Videos from the vaults of White Hart Lane
Is Les A TV ?? - TV-ing troubles for the new manager
Contract Talks - A secret insight
Season Tickets - The reasons behind the cup voucher affair
The Thrill Of Espionage - Secret agency works at Highbury.
So you want to be a big Iron - Management appointment at the Boleyn.
The Same Old Song - A rule of Irons !!
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire - How to make a mince ... er, sorry ... mint.
a sinking ship - Sol does the dirty
Comparisons are odious - Bunjy the Balkan Beckanbauer
Wupert The Bear With A Sore Head - SCBC top man in a modern fairy tale
Back to homepage